Walmart Espionage

For some, going to Wal-Mart is a shopping experience.  Wal-Mart can be a great place to shop with cheap prices and a wide variety of available goods.  You can buy anything at Wal-Mart from motor oil to valentines day gifts (which in some cases can be the same thing).

Other go to Wal-Mart for a living.  These people do not have much financial stability.  They work at Wal-Mart, and the majority of their wages go right back to Wal-Mart when they buy groceries.  Generally, Wal-Mart employees aren't happy with their jobs.  Just read parts of this website, devoted entirely to former employees complaints about their employer.  Most of the posts on the website call for a union, and it makes me wonder why there isn't a Wal-Mart union by now.  The employees have terrible conditions, and the customers don't make it any better.  Combine that with low wages and the occasional boob grab by a manager, I'd be forming a union in a heartbeat.

Here is one of my favorite responses:

“I have worked at the Wal-Mart in Texas for six months. I had to quit because of the heat in the store. They hired me to work in the cosmetics section but I ended up working at the paint counter or as a cashier � whatever they wanted me to do. The air conditioner is set at around 80 degrees and everyone has complained about it. However, management doesn�t take responsibility; instead they blame the home office in Arkansas. Anyone who has ever lived in South Central Texas knows that it gets hot as hell. Average summer temperatures are usually over 100 (with humidity around 102-107). Wal-Mart doesn�t care if you dehydrate on the job.

 I would imagine Wal-Mart does care if you get dehydrated, because then you couldn't perform your job as well.  Dead or passed out employees aren't good at restocking shelves.  And this also makes me wonder, how many customers did this Wal-Mart have? I wouldn't be surprised if people didn't buy their ice cream at an 80 degree store (double negative alert).

And really, who quits because of the temperature?

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Another big section of that website is titled "scheduling."  Wal-Mart is constantly going through law suits ("Wal-Mart is currently facing more than 80 lawsuits at various stages of the legal process.") over people not getting payed fully, but because they are so rich it doesn't really hurt them.  And yeah, maybe their reputation is hurt but people have no other choice- Wal-Mart is simply the cheapest place to go.


AND THEN....there are a third group of people who visit Wal-Mart.  Their main purpose is simple: have as much fun as humanly possible.

If you go to Wal-Mart on a Friday or Saturday night, I guarantee you will find a small group of friends terrorizing the store.  Walmart is the only place you can go and do whatever you want and not get in trouble.  They have security cameras every 10 feet, but this is no deterrent.

Here are some common activities of Wal-mart-iers:

• Stand next to the greeters and "greet" customers as they walk in.
• Take a cart and randomly fill it up with random things.  Fill it so it is full, and then leave it in a random isle.  An employee will then have the task of restocking whatever was in the cart.  This works best if you take items from all over the store, such as motor oil, toys, and Velveeta cheese.
• Stalk customers.  Follow them around and then "bump" into them and talk to them.
• Look at underwear
• Classic- sword fight with nerf swords (and axes, if they have them)
• Restock items.  Carry large quantities of random items and place them in the wrong spot.  Example: carry cans of beans and put them in electronics.
• Change the prices on various items- can I hear a discount anyone?
  
  
  • Even better- try to buy the goods at the "discounted" price and make the employee go check the price.
• Dance party by the radios.
• Take the chairs that you attach to fishing boats, and pull friends around in them.
• "Spam" random carts by placing cans of spam in the cart when the customer isn't looking.
• Pick up chicks.

To Text, Or Not To Text

Sometimes the topic of texting while driving comes up.  Side note: "Texting" is still not recognized by the spell checker.  Grow up internet.

Anyways, texting while driving.  I know quite a few people that do it.  Some people even brag about it.  I once read a study that said, "Texting while driving has the same effect as being drunk."  I kinda believe it. If your hands AND eyes are focused on a phone, as opposed to the road, bad things will happen.  Often times teens will not pay attention and rear end someone, or just drive off the side of the road. 

One time, a teenage girl even drove off a bridge while texting.  She was busy texting, "haha! thats great!," to her boyfriend when she didn't realize she had to turn a little to get onto the bridge.  Her car went through the railing and free fell into the river.  The driver didn't even realize she was falling until the car was completely submerged. 

I think I can see the cell phone light

Apparently she felt her socks getting wet, and then she looked up from her phone to see water on all sides of the car.  At this point she finished up her texting conversation and took another look.  Her car was about 25 feet below the water.

Thinking quickly, the girl called the police with her cell phone, who then brought in a submarine to tow her car to shore.  The girl received no injuries, but her boyfriend was a little annoyed that she stopped texting him to call for help.

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Pic from http://jasonpauljones.files.wordpress.com/2009/12/car-drives-off-bridge1.jpg

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Eating With People

One of my coworkers is amazing. One day at work he brought a large bag of trail mix, filled with peanuts, raisins, almonds, m&m's, and a few other assorted food items.  When I came into work I stopped by his cube and saw him snacking on the trail mix.  I grabbed a handful and went to my desk, and started working.  After a few minutes my coworker came over and we ate some Quaker Oats Oatmeal Squares and discussed the current happenings.

After a few minutes, my coworker went back to his cube.  Two hours later, it was time to go and I stopped by to say bye.  I glanced at the bag of trail mix, and it was completely empty.  I was surprised to see this, because it was a huge bag of trail mix.  It looked something like this:

It had 7,520 Calories

I asked my coworker, "Dang, how did you get rid of that so fast?" I was expecting him to say something like, "Oh, I threw some of it away." Or maybe "I gave some to the janitor, and he spilled it on the floor."  Instead, he replied with "I ate it."

At first I didn't believe him.  There was no way he had eaten that big of a bag of trial mix in as few as three hours!  I asked him again, and his beliefs held firm.  I checked the bag of trail mix.  47 servings at 160 calories per serving.  I did some quick mental math (on my cell phone), and realized he had just eaten over SEVEN THOUSAND calories.  7, 520 to be exact.  7,520 calories in three hours...while working.  That was impressive.  And as a side note, this guy was not fat.  He was very very skinny.  One of those guys that could eat three sticks of butter every night and have trouble keeping his weight above "skinny level."

So, he could eat a horse.  And he was coming over to my house. At least I don't have any horses for him to eat (that was a really bad joke). Despite the lack of mammary horses, there were some freshly baked cookies sitting out in a container (isn't that an oxymoron? sitting out...in a container?) Anyways, they were sitting out.  And if you missed the story I told you before, this guy likes to eat.  As expected, he had started to eat the cookies.  He ate one, then two, then three.  Then he continued on to eat more and more cookies.

For some reason, I also started to eat like this guy.  I started eating many cookies, just like my coworker.  I had maybe 7 or 10 cookies, I can't remember.  I remember my Psychology teacher teaching us about how when you are with other people you eat a lot more.  Apparently, when you are with big eaters, you are more likely to eat similar to them (Side note: As I typed that sentence Jason Mraz said "You're putting too much food on my plate" in the song "Too Much Food."  What an odd coincidence.  Must be God's will).  So anyways, I ate more because my coworker ate more.  The End.


Some information from Better U INC.
Trail Mix picture from Sam's Club (best store EVER) at this URL.

Mikey J Decides To Blog On Monday Night. What A Loser

Wow, look at me.  Blogging on a Monday evening? I'm impressed with myself.

Damn you Mikey J.  You aren't special.  Millions of people blog on Monday evenings every day.  You think you're special just because you can write down a few words on your computer after practicing Chinese Characters? Well, you're not.  You cocky dumb head; being impressed with yourself for blogging.  And then putting it on your blog that you are blogging! NO ONE else cares that you are blogging tonight.  Not even your mother.  And if you had a child, he/she probably wouldn't care either.   GET A LIFE! 


Okay okay! Geez I'm sorry! I just thought that because blogs are supposed to be done by Sunday nig...

What do you mean blogs are supposed to be "done"? Who the hell do you think you are?! Some specialty blogger that only has to blog on Sundays!? You think readers don't care about the other 6 days of the week? You think they only want new blog posts on 1/7 days of the year?!?! Well let me tell you, Mr. "J," YOU'RE WRONG!


Please stop! I don't want to start a fight here! I agree with you, see I'm blogging on a Monda...

Oh there he goes again! Mr. Fancy pants and his little "manners"!! Thinking you can get away with being a jerk just by saying "Please." You're pathetic.  You can say please, but it doesn't make me want to give you anything* Your mother probably is probably a hamster, and your father smells of elderberries.  And don't just think you can get away with everything by agreeing with me! I ain't yo mama! 


Alright this is just getting ridiculous.  I don't even know why I am continuing this blog post. You are obviously showing no respect to me, and I will not tolerate such insolence on my esteemed blog.  In fact, I thi

Oh Shut the hell UP! How bout you show the world some respect and stop giving us crappy blog posts! Write something worthwhile once in a while, will ya? Actually don't even try. If its coming from you, its not worthwhile.  And show your pet some respect and feed him once in a while! He can't eat oxygen you animal hater!!!  Don't think I didn't notice the diction change either! You sneaky butthead, trying to throw in fancy words like "insolence" and "esteemed"? Stick with slang, its what you know best! You're just a muckraker with no soul!


Ummmm, do you even know what a muckraker is? Its an investigative journalist! Not an insult! I really don't know why you cont

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!? YOU EAT DIRT AND DON'T EVEN BOTHER TO TAKE OUT THE WORMS! YOUR MOTHER WISHES YOU WERE A GIRL AND YOUR FATHER WISHES YOU WEREN'T SO OBESE! YOU ARE A *******  *********  ***  ********


The rest of this blog post has been censored.  Sorry for any inconvenience. 














OH NO YOU DON'T! You're not getting rid of me that easily! Your friends are all younger than you and they are using you to buy alcohol for them! Your computer is slow! YOU PROBABLY GET 8 HOURS OF SLEEP A NIGHT!!!  I don't see how the world puts up with you? I bet you're the president of the Society of Sucky Things.  BECAUSE YOU SUCK!  
















*Thats what she said.

Tutorial: How To Brush Your Teeth

I recently recieved numerous complaints from internet users that there are no good teeth brushing tutorials on the web.  In response, I have decided to write my own.

First of all, I feel the need to explain why some of the tutorials out there now are not effective.  I found a nice looking tutorial on Colgate's Webpage, but it was extremely biased and mutilated.

Colgate says this:

You should replace your toothbrush when it begins to show wear, or every three months, whichever comes first. It is also very important to change toothbrushes after you've had a cold, since the bristles can collect germs that can lead to reinfection.

First of all, it is not necessary to buy a new toothbrush after you get sick.  Your immune system will have built up an immunity, and will be able to fight off any counter-attacks by the same germ (or virus).  MC Krau-z reccomeneds running your toothbrush under hot water to wash off any pathogens, just in case.  But there is NO need to buy a new toothbrush; that is one of Colagte's many scams on their tutorial.

Colgate, those crazy fools, also said this:

Tilt the brush at a 45° angle against the gumline and sweep or roll the brush away from the gumline.

A 45 degree angle? How am I supposed to measure that? It is nearly impossible to get a perfect 45 degree angle while brushing your teeth, causing you to have an imperfect system.  How can we solve this problem? Well, Colgate is now selling their new Oral Hygiene Protractor. This handy little tool allows the user to measure their brushing angles to a perfect degree.  Never again will you be saddened when you use incorrect angles.  Your brushing will be much better.

Apart from the brushing angle scheme, Colgate put way too many links in their tutorial.  They have 3 links alone that link you to different products that they sell! You know what I'm thinking...Colgate is trying to get you to buy their toothbrushes! I knew it.  That tutorial wasn't really a tutorial, but a grand marketing scam designed to trick youngsters into buying a toothbrush!  How dare Colgate pull such a fast one on our community.  How dare they even think of advertising their toothbrushes on their website.  I should file harassment.

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Crest, on the other hand, has a contrasting tutorial.  They start off by using strong evidence from a reliable source:

Flashing your best, most healthy smile means brushing well and often. In fact, the American Dental Association recommends brushing teeth twice a day for dental hygiene and to help promote dental health.

They brought in the ADA, and show the audience to brush their teeth.  Notice that there are NO links in the first part.  Crest continues on with...Oh no.... the 45 degree angle!!!!

On the outer and inner surfaces, brush your teeth at a 45-degree angle in short half-tooth-wide strokes against the gum line.

 But still, no links have been found in the tutorial.  It isn't until the "Choose the Right Toothpaste" section that Crest even tries to sell you something.  They even break down the different kind of toothpastes they have, so you can pick one that matches your oral needs.

I noticed at the bottom of Crest's page they link to Oral-B's page.  Curious, I decided to follow.  A similarity between all three websites is that they each have a pop-up, asking you if you want to take a survey.  It seems as if all these websites were made by similar companies.  Anyway, I looked for Oral-B's brushing tutorial, and was shocked with my finding.

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Oral-B has hundreds of "Dental Health Topics," and it took me some time to find the tutorial on how to brush your teeth.  When I found it, I noticed there were not links at all.  It was a plain and simple tutorial, how to brush your teeth.  It did, however, still contain a 45 degree angle referral.  How disappointing...

Keep these techniques in mind when you brush your teeth, whether before or after flossing:

• Hold your toothbrush at a 45-degree angle toward the gum line.
• When brushing your teeth, move the brush back and forth gently over the front, back and top (chewing surface) of your teeth. Don’t scrub hard along the gum line; you can irritate your gums.
• Remember to brush (and floss) behind your lower (bottom) front teeth. Use the top bristles of the brush to reach this area. If this area is hard for you to reach with regular floss, try a floss holder or disposable flosser.

 The article was crisp and clean.  The only advertisements were the ones on the side, but they had pictures.  Everything is better with pictures.

In conclusion I found out that Oral-B has the best website for Dental Hygiene Topics, followed by Crest.  Drug along is Colgate, who needs to go back to college.

In a second conclusion, I wouldn't recommend basing any of your Dental Health on a Retail Website.  I would go to the ADA website, or hit up WebMD.


Pic from Granby House Dental at http://www.granbyhousedental.co.uk/images/toothbrushes.jpg