Nothing

I wonder, how much can you blog about nothing? I mean, you can be saying nothing.  You can be looking at nothing.  But generally when you are looking at nothing, you are actually looking at something.  Like the insides of your eyelids.  Or a blank piece of paper.  When you are saying nothing, you are actually saying something.  You are saying something in a quiet way.  You are making a statement of silence.  Silence can be stronger than noise.

Blogging about nothing, however, is a totally and completely different concept.  If you blog about nothing, that generally means you have a blank page.  Or maybe you can take it literally, meaning you are blogging about "nothing." But, this doesn't occur very often.  And when it does occur, nothing much ever comes out of it. Unless, more nothingness comes out of it.  That can happen very often: nothing comes from nothing.  For example, if you say nothing, then nothing will be said to you.  That is why quiet people are lonely. Because they say nothing, nothing is said back to them.

Nothing, by itself, is a totally different idea. In fact, it shouldn't even be grouped with the other nothings. Nothing can't be anything.  Nothing can't be achieved, because there is never nothing.  There is always something. Imagine nothing.  You can't. Its impossible.  You can imagine the word nothing, or you can imagine someone saying "nothing."  Heck, you can even imagine a blog post about nothing.  But no way, in any shape, can you imagine nothing by itself.

If there was nothing, there would be nothing.  And nothing would exist.

"You look tired"

When did saying this^ become okay?  I hear this almost everyday.  "You look tired."  I think people should stop saying that.  

What if the person isn't tired? What if that is how they want to look? You basically just insulted them.  It is one of the few sneaky insults that society has allowed over time.

You wouldn't say, "Hey, you look bad today!" Instead, people say, "You look tired."  It has nearly the same meaning. 

Now, I understand that this phrase might be used in some situations, especially if you know the person well.  Lets say they have bags under their eyes, are laying down on the table, and are basically asleep.  Then it would be okay to bring up tiredness.  

You can read this if you want, but I sure won't.

I would read this if I were you, it is a lot better.  But I still probably won't read it.


I would, however, read this for sure.  This is a good article, I will probably blog about it more later.

This brings me to another subject: sharing gum.

Are you always expected to share gum? Every time I bring out a pack of gum, I have 5 people pestering me for a piece.  Comon man, I saved up some good money for that gum.  You expect me to have to give away a pack every time I want one piece? No way.  Now, if it is just you and one or two other people, you could offer them a piece, but I don't think its required.  If their breath stinks, its not your fault.

To counter this, I have started bringing out gum in secret. I will open the pack in my backpack, and slowly sneak the piece above my desk.  There, I will try to unwrap it in my hands, so nobody else will see.  I then sneak it into my mouth, usually by "coughing."

Lets say you're super rich and have tons of gum.  There is a fun game you can play with the people that want a piece.  The game's called...

See What You Can Make People Do For a Piece Of Gum

It can be anything.  Make someone sing a Disney song.  Make someone do 10 push ups on the class room floor.  Make them give you a high five.  Make them ask out the girl sitting next to you.

You can also try operant conditioning on them.  Have them give you a high five, and then give them a piece of gum.  Every time they give you a high five, give them gum.  Eventually they will associate a "high five" with "receiving gum."  Every time you high five, they will expect gum.  This could lead to fun thing...

My Bookmarks

After reading Goody's post about his bookmarks, I felt inspired to do the same thing.  We both share similar interests in browsers, and both like Google Chrome the best.

Wait a second... forget it.  I'm going to convince you to switch to Google Chrome, if you are not already using it.  If you are currently using Google Chrome, you would be better off learning a new instrument.  If you are using Apple's Safari, Mozilla's Firefox, or ... God forbid, microsoft internet explorer (doesn't deserve capitalization), you should definitely read this post.

OR

If you are running low on time, have a busy schedule, or honestly don't care, just go here and download Google Chrome without being convinced.

---

So.  Let me start off by insulting internet explorer (IE for short.  Internet explorer for long).

I found this strange blog that is devoted to hating on internet explorer.  The blog has been going on for about 4 years or so, and will keep you updated when ever internet explorer does something extremely stupid.

A probably less bias view on internet browsers can be found here.  But anyway, forget about those sites.  Lets start the roast.

Side Note: In this post, I will be comparing 3 browsers: Internet explorer, Firefox, and Chrome (some Safari will be mixed in).  I understand there are many more different browsers, but I do not have the time or experience to review them.

Side Side Note: If your computer is really really slow, you should probably just switch to Opera, which is a super fast browser.  It won't have all the cool features of the others, and some websites might not work the best, but you will find yourself smashing the keyboard a lot less.

The Comparison

Fact: IE was rated dead last in speed tests between the 4 browsers (FF, IE, GC, and S).

IE is the yellow and red colors, which are the lowest.  Now this chart is based off JavaScript runtime tests (don't worry about what that means).  I will throw out the fact that these tests were done by Google...

Speed is definitely the number one reason to switch to Chrome.  Even if you think your computer runs fast on IE, it will be much better on Chrome.  Just try it, Google "chrome," and improve your browsing experience!

Anyway, Internet explorer also has many useless toolbars that spam up your menu.

From top to bottom: Chrome, IE, Firefox

The picture above is a quick comparison of the menu bars. As you can see, Chrome is by far the simplest, with fewer buttons and a smaller area of the menu bar.  This allows for more monitor space to be used by webpage, as opposed to menu bar.  Everything on the Chrome menu bar is extremely user friendly, only two "Menu" buttons.

Both IE and Firefox have 5 "Lines" of menu bar, while Chrome only has 3 "Lines."  Chrome also features a simple drag and drop scheme, where you can move tabs around easily.  Another good thing about Chrome that the other two browsers don't have is individual running tabs.  Each tab runs by itself.  So if one tab goes down, the others will not crash.

Another small bonus of Chrome is the "Incognito" mode.  When running a window in "Incognito" mode, your history is not saved.  In addition, all cookies are cleared when you close the browser.  This basically erases your footprints.  In case you are shopping for your brother, and don't want him to find out what you bought him.

Now I will admit, Firefox has some pretty cool add-ons.  If you have a super fast computer, and love all the cool add-ons, Firefox might be the way to go.  However, these add-ons severely slow down the browser, and can cause Firefox to experience terrible turtle syndrome.

I could go on more, but I think this is enough.  In summary: switch to Chrome, unless you like wasting your computer's power.

Don't agree with me? Comment about it.  Let me know what you think.

Chart above provided by CNET News

Firfox toolbar from here.  Google toolbar from here.

Fear and Laziness

The only two things stopping us from leading the life we want to live are fear and laziness.

Laziness is simple.  If we don't want to do anything, we won't get anything done.  If we simply do not work hard and try our best, we won't accomplish what we want to do.  For some, this is the easy one to get over.  They can simply get up and start doing stuff.

Fear, on the other hand, is a little bit tougher to destroy.  If you are scared of something, you will avoid it.  A big part of this is taking risks. If you are afraid of taking risks, you won't be able to do what you want to do.  This may seem very vague, so here are some examples to set you straight.

-Lets say there is this hot girl you want to go out with.  You have never spoken to her in your life, but really like her.  You just can't summon up the nerve to talk to her, let alone hang out with her on a Friday night. The primary blocker in this case would be fear.  You are afraid of what will happen if your "talk" attempt is rejected (Sims reference).

You are afraid of the above.  Poor guy, he tried to pull off the romantic hug when he should have gone with the friendly...

So go for it.  Take the risk.  What is the worst thing that could happen.  I guess if you accidentally comment on her body in a demeaning way she might not like it.  Or if you accidentally grab her, that wouldn't be good either. 

On the other hand, good things can happen. Lets say you have a short conversation, and things go well.  You will feel good inside.  Good feelings are good.

---

Lets say you want to do good on a test, and need to study.  You are too lazy to study, and would rather watch XBOX (yes you can watch XBOX, its just very boring).  The impeding factor would be laziness.  You are too lazy to study.

Lets say you want to become an Olympic athlete.  You are a sprinter, and want to become the worlds fastest man.  If you are too lazy to run a lot, and too lazy to work hard, you have no chance of achieving your dreams.  Fear can also be a factor, if you are afraid that running too much will take over your life.

---

So in summation: don't let fear and laziness take over your life.  By controlling those two things, you can control your life.  Do something risky, and work hard for a while.

Sims picture from this place right here. Girl Game Zone.  Sexist.

Too Much Trust

We rely ALOT on computers.

By the way, "alot" should be a world.  Why in the world do we need to separate it out into two? "A lot" sounds like "a lot for sale," not "alot of homework." I'm thinking about petitioning to the dictionary to get this fixed.  I am still looking for a phone number to call, but I can't find one anywhere.  Maybe I'll just mail a letter to Santa, and he'll take care of it.

Anyway, back to our overuse of computers.  One day, not too long ago, I had just finished up a story.  I wanted to share it on Google Docs, no big deal. I tried to upload it, but it said the servers were down.  Thats too bad.

Then, just today, I was gonna go to Wikipedia for some blog ideas, but it was down.  Thats too bad.

How many more bad things will happen? Many.

Here are some bad things that could happen to our world within the next few years:

-A virus could infect Wikipedia, automatically correcting all the incorrect information.  Teachers wouldn't know what to do.

-Google could crash.  Where would we go to get ALL our information? Actually, on the other hand, it would be interesting to see Google crash.  The monopoly would be gone, and competition would increase, hopefully allowing for more advances in technology. Google, please crash.

-Oh, okay. I see how it is. Now Wikipedia decides to work....Wait, I take that back, it crashed again. How am I gonna finish this research paper?

-It seems as if Wikipedia is running out of money. At the top of every page is a banner begging for cash. Maybe they will have to rely on volunteers to write the articles now...oh wait, they already do that.

-I just found a banner that uses peer pressure to get your money.

I wonder if Peter Chang drank as a teen?

Continuing on with my list of bad things that can happen to the world:

-Pandora radio could crash. Then I wouldn't be supplied with good free music.

-Yahoo could crash. Then I wouldn't be able to check my email, or play pool online.

-Blogger could crash. Then I wouldn't be able to blog.


I am going to simulate blogger crashing.  This is what all my posts would look like:

#$(JARGIOA@#$*AWTIHGF($)#IERJF()$A#OPWJE($#WTE(Rj4a3w8toihjfs34potiawerlgf3wap4u90tj34pwa98juthap398wuaq2984pytpa3gtps80reugj;osdiprjg09jt4gp8se8ohrjg;soeirjg;lkrewjt9243jt9034jt;seoijge90tu34w8jut5[3a8w4jut0[a9tju40pjref;eriojg0934jt3094jut5o9j858gjoi54josiredjf9403ujt89243oitjr3940wjof29340utopjg35[er9ygijoherhseirthju[a0wu93423-riwe=tg-ps[dfo[spdf'sk;d/fkpeorjt903w4ut23094ur3q09ujweiojroisrjg;oiasjgr[s0er9iht[88ihyjldksfnjv,vmcnboiesjrg9-awjg4sidfojglxdkgjp;ae9tju90432autj[a'wrrgpojudfsl;kgja3w[4'ut9saergtijrwe[itusdfpogjuaw[094ti90w34ti9ojer

I would get tired of reading that after a while.

Peculiar Products: A Walk to Remember

I was reading Reader's Digest one day, and saw this:

If you have eyes, you will understand there is no need for words.


Just look at how comfortable this guy must be:

Nuff said.



First picture from http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.medgadget.com/archives/img/honda_walker.jpg&imgrefurl=http://medgadget.com/archives/2008/11/honda_makes_public_new_robotic_walking_assist_device.html&usg=__Sg2fGPySL_TkcSs5DYIwBuozVDI=&h=493&w=468&sz=51&hl=en&start=2&um=1&itbs=1&tbnid=OOjH81PEwf5sIM:&tbnh=130&tbnw=123&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dhonda%2Bwalker%26hl%3Den%26rlz%3D1T4GGLG_enUS314%26sa%3DN%26um%3D1.


Second picture from http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://nimg.sulekha.com/Others/original700/japan-honda-walker-2008-11-7-2-35-2.jpg&imgrefurl=http://newshopper.sulekha.com/japan-honda-walker_photo_522535.htm&usg=__AMW_LbzrYtEAZQUOt4Ogw24Whsc=&h=480&w=350&sz=21&hl=en&start=9&um=1&itbs=1&tbnid=p47H1I9oAsvs-M:&tbnh=129&tbnw=94&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dhonda%2Bwalker%26hl%3Den%26rlz%3D1T4GGLG_enUS314%26sa%3DN%26um%3D1.


More beautiful pictures from THIS GOOGLE SEARCH

Peculiar Products: Hell's Bells

I was going to write a blog post about how people are changing their blog.  To start off my post, I was going to put an "Attention Getter" picture near the beginning, to get your attention. 

So, being the resourceful blogger that I am, I went to Google.  I searched for "attention getter," and browsed the pictures.  There were some general attention getters; such as large guns, people holding megaphones, bikini-clad women using leaf blowers, sexist jokes, and...

The No Yell Bell

I thought to myself, "This is probably the best attention in the world."

A No Yell Bell^®?!?! Imagine the possibilities!!!

Imagine...A bell you can use, without yelling!

Whenever I use bells, I yell.  They just don't work if I don't yell.

The No Yell Bell^® solves all of my problems.

---

Listen to what our customers said about the No Yell Bell^®:

"Whenever I have extra batteries laying around the house, I get really annoyed.  I honestly can't stand to have fresh batteries in the house. My traditional bell just wasn't doing the job for me.  It didn't take batteries, and that really annoyed me.  After putting up with my traditional bell for a few years, I had to switch.   After hearing about the No Yell Bell^®, I was a little suspicious at first.  After trying it out, I was amazed! It took battery after battery, completely solving my problem. I found my self ringing the No Yell Bell^® without need, just to use batteries! Thank you No Yell^®!"

-Jim Winston, stay at home dad.

"Being a teacher, it was always a trouble to get the class to pay attention.  I would yell, scream, and shout, but nothing seemed to work. I searched Google for "attention getter," and stumbled upon the amazing No Yell Bell^®.  I tried it out in class one day, and it worked like a charm!  Whenever I used the bell, the kids would stop talking, and start laughing!  They now pay attention to me whenever I ring the bell! Thank you, No Yell^®!"

Samantha Talitic, teacher.

---

I don't know about you, but next time I want to earn the respect of an audience, I'm going to bring a battery powered bell.

That way, when I'm done talking, I can use the "cheering crowd" feature of the bell to make my own applause.  Because I sure as hell won't be getting any.

Don't Be Hatin

"I hate school."


                 -Everyone, at some point in their life


The general attitude towards school appears to be negative (among students, at least).  You hear people complain about school all the time.  They say it sucks, its terrible, and they don't like it at all.

Well people, if you really hate it so much, why don't you just drop out?

If school is really that bad, there must be a better place you can go.

"Well...Ummm...School Just Sucks...Idk..."


Yes, we already made that clear.  But where else can you go? I don't think you have much of a choice. Unless you want to work at a fast food place, you almost need to stay in school.

"Yeah I know, but it still sucks."


People, you pretty much have to stay in school if you want to have a good future.  Unless, of course, you are a secret genius who can invent something and become rich. So, we might as well make the best of it, right? Like I said a few months ago, you're perspective on things has a huge impact. If you adjust your perceptual set to think of school as a good thing, it will seem better.  And really, school isn't that bad.

Sure, you can't do whatever you want, but that's what the weekends are for.  The weekends wouldn't be so special if there was no school.

---

Here are some benefits of school:

-You get smart. Or at least, less dumb.

-You meet new people.  We can assume that you meet a lot of people during class, at lunch, during passing time, after school, etc.  Think about it this way: every time you eat lunch at school it is just like you are going out to eat with some of your friends.  The food just isn't as great, and you don't have to spend so much.  If there was no school, you wouldn't know as many people.  Period.

-You get inspired.  Through school, you can learn about what you really like. You can pick your own classes, and decide what you want to do in the future.  If there was no school, the fast food business would pick what you like.

-It kills time.  If we had all the time to ourselves, eventually we would get pretty bored.  You can only mess around at Walmart for so long.  School gives us something to do for most of the day.

-It gets us sick.  At school, we are exposed to many, many germs.  When these germs enter our bodies, our immune system responds, creating an immunity.  Because of school, our bodies have tons of antibodies.  This gives us a better chance of surviving bio-warfare, or an epidemic, or a pandemic, or a cold, or an STD.

"Okay, Okay, so long term, school isn't so bad.  But what about on a day-to-day basis? Getting up early sucks!"

True, getting up early does suck.  You know what else sucks? A leech. A vacuum. A suction cup. Your mother.

But anyway, here are some other points.

-Getting up early for school gives us something to complain about.  And it helps us maximize daylight.  Instead of sleeping in till noon, we are up and can fully use the sun.

-I'm having trouble thinking of other points.

Anyway, you should relax and enjoy school a little bit. It's not that bad. Fo realz.


Base pic from http://www.aolcdn.com/ch_kids/high-school-musical-300a101106.jpg

Small City Fun: Remix BABY

Oh my...I saw the last cover of our school newspaper, and was unpleasantly surprised.  Lots to do in our city?? Sure, but how about we put more than 3 pictures on the front page...

I honestly would not go to Brucemore or the Art Museum for fun on a Friday night.  I honestly do not know any teenager that would go to Brucemore or the Art Museum for fun on a Friday night.  There are other things to do, however.  The following is my own personal list: 101 Ways to Make Fun without Offending someone (actually, you will probably offend quite a few people if you do these things).

Section One: Go to Wal-Mart

There is so much to do at Walmart, I can't believe it!  If I had to describe Walmart in three words they would be Games, Ghost, and Greatness.

1) Simply walk around. Walking is good exercise.

2) Go shopping.  Walmart has great items for sale at great prices. I would recommend buying lots of candy and eating it.

3) Follow someone.  Pick someone from the crowd and just stalk them during their entire trip.  Whenever they look around and see you, pretend to be looking at something else.  Follow them all the way from when they enter the store to when they leave in their car.  For added fun, try to get in the car when they open the door.

4) Reorganize.  Do Walmart a favor, and rearrange some items on their shelves.  For example, move the stuffed animals over to the clothing section.

5) Instead of going to Walmart, read about a guy who hates Walmart.  This will give you a nice perspective of a Walmart employee. I've always wondered what they think...

6) Enough with Walmart. Now on to Target.

7) Joking, Joking. Everyone knows Target isn't as much fun as Walmart.

8) Back to Walmart

9) Nope, I take that back.  Done with Walmart.

10) Okay, this completes the first part of the list.  Look to future posts to find more fun things to do!


Also, If you are into Miley Cyrus, I know Walmart is selling Miley Cyrus clothes right now.  There are also pictures of her in the aisles by the clothing.

Controversy is Ysrevortnoc Spelled Backwards

Well people, it's second term.  Winter term, if you will.  Winter is a time of controversy.  In accordance, I will blog about controversial topics.

A simple google search of "controversy" yeilds wonderous results (7,810,000 in .09 seconds).  Not surprisingly, wikipedia is the first result.  Wikipedia in itself is a controversial topic.

I found this website. It has a list of every single controversial topic known to man (and woman). I decided to pick on of these topics. The topic I pick is...Animal Experimentation.

I don't like that topic. The new topic is...

"WAIT A SECOND! You cheater! You can't pick a topic and not even write about it! You flip-flopper! I will never vote for you!"

See folks? I just created controversy without even having a topic. Well, I guess the topic was controversy itself.  Controversy can be controversial, or sometimes it can't.  Sometimes controversy (think gay rights) makes friends, other times it makes enemies (think gun rights).  Sometimes controversy can be democratic (think democracy), other times it is dictatorial (think Hitler).  In fact, I didn't even know dictatorial was a word! How controversial!

Controversy is everywhere, and yet is nowhere. But controversy, always, is where.

"Enough of this nonsense Mikey! Get to the Controversial topic!"

Well screw you, pretend audience! I ain't gettin to any controversial topics today!

In fact, the word "ain't" is a controversial topic in itself.

"Ain't Ain't a word and I Ain't gonna say it!"

Damn you audience! You hypocritical people! How can you say "ain't" isn't a word, and then say it three times in one sentence?!

Webster's dictionary defines "ain't" as: "A word".  Since I trust Webster (he won the Webster Hayne debates) I will believe him.

"Ain't is a word, and therefore I feel comfortable saying it when necessary"

So take that, you condescending audience.  I just discussed a controversial topic. Happy now?

"NO! I don't like that topic! Pick a new topic!"

Again, you hypocritical audience...Didn't you reprimand me a few words ago for doing the exact same thing? That's it, guards, please.

The sound of machine guns fills the stage (Or blog, in this case.  Just imagine there are machine gun sound effects) (No wait, I take that back, I will add machine gun sound effects. Play the sound below for ultimate experience) (Make sure to turn up your volume really loud) (If this were a math problem, it would be a toughie. Imagine distributing all these words through 4 sets of parenthesis.) (Make that 5 sets of parenthesis) (Make that six...anyway, listen to the sounds).





Good, no more audience.  Without an audience, there is no need to write.  Unless of course, I am writing for myself.

And who rights for themselves these days? Not me.







pic made at
http://bighugelabs.com/motivator.php




websta's dictionary from
http://www.writehisanswer.com/Merriam%20Webster%20Dictionary.jpg

A True Blogger Doesn't Put Down the Keyboard Just Because His/Her Teacher Says So

I have noticed a trend in recent blog posts.  It seems that the past weeks, all of the posts have become nonexistent. Out of habit, I would check my blog every few days or so.  Usually I read other interesting blogs, and maybe post something new.  The past two weeks, however, I have had some difficulty reading other's blogs.

I think I know why.

All the bloggers are using a new font: Times New Invisible

Upon hearing this news, I was very interested in the new font.  I quickly did a search of the NY Times and found this article:



48 Year Old Man Invents New Font

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By EVA STRAIGHTBACK

Published: November 19, 2009

Tom Johnson, 48, leads a life not unlike that of you or me.  Everyday he wakes up, eats breakfast, and drives to work.  Around noon Johnson gets up off his chair, says "Hey, I'm gonna go get some lunch, you in?" to a coworker, and then listens to the coworkers reply: "Nah man, I brought my own lunch." Johnson then starts to head for the door, pausing only for a quick drink from the drinking fountain.  Johnson then leaves the office, saying goodbye to the guard as he leaves.  The guard grunts in reply, usually playing a computer game.  Today however, was an exception.

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Today, Johnson had a mission.  On November 25, 2009, Johnson did something big.  He sat down at his computer at around 11:15 AM, was turned down for a high five from a co-worker, and then created history.
Johnson has his own blog, theaveragetj.com, and posts daily.  Today, Johnson was writing his daily blog post, when he realized that no body reads his blog.  His hit counter has been running at zero's all month, and he was depressed.  To increase readership, he decided to jazz up his blog.  "I think fonts are fun," said Johnson. "Stonf is fonts spelled backwards," he added.
Rather than pick a new font, such as Arial or Sans Script, he decided to create a new font: Times New Invisible.  Johnson implemented his new font immediately, and is quite happy with the results.  "I really can't see anything on my blog, but I am really happy with how it looks," said Johnson about his blog.
Most people would think it would stop there: the font would simply die out.  Wrong. One of Johnson's college interns, Spencer Haltraz, saw the blog and started to use the same font. Haltraz told his friends about it, and soon it was spreading across the country.
"I really like the new font, I don't have to worry about what I am saying as much," said Haltraz.  Some college professors are worrying, however. The CPB (College Professor Board) says that Times New Invisible has made grading papers difficult, because they "are harder to read."
President Obama is considering vetoing a bill that would legalize the use of Times New Invisible in America.  Until the bill is denied, however, you can expect to see heavy use of the controversial font in schools, offices, and playgrounds across the country.
The Anti-Invisible Bill is presented to the president Nov. 30.










Interesting article, I look forward to seeing how everything progresses.

Above layout from The New York Times.


This article didn't actually run in the NY Times, I wrote it.  Don't tell. :)

Column Spit

Imagine you had to write a column...What would you write about?  You have a large audience, and can write about anything you want.  What would it be?

Would you write about texting, in a sarcastic tone, showing the world how ridiculous it is?

Would you write about Fear and Laziness?  Fear and laziness are the only things stopping us from living the life we want to lead.  If we could eliminate those two things, our goals would be super-obtainable.  Fear stops us from doing things.  Laziness stops us from doing things.  "You see that hot girl over there?  Go talk to her." "What no way man!  I would never do that, she is way out of my league!"  That's called fear.  If you are afraid of doing something, you will most likely never do it.  If we could just all learn to take more risks, the effect of fear could be reduced.  Too bad this goes against the nature of many humans.  If this sentence was your comfort zone, you should not be here.

Laziness is pretty self explanatory.  If you are too lazy to get up, do stuff, and achieve goals, it will be bad.

It is now a new month (November) so my Pandora hours have been replenished.  

Teenager's and Their Jobs

It seems to me that most teens have a little competition going on: who has the easiest job.  Whenever I talk to people about their jobs, they usually complain about bosses and nasty chores.  When I say, "Hey you should quit and come work at ____JOB____," they have a change of mind.  They say something like "Oh, my job is so easy, I don't do anything.  I just mess around and get paid."  I highly doubt that.  If someone is paying you to do work, they probably want you to be productive and help out the company (unless your dad is a super rich guy who just gives you a job for fun).

But no, all those kids that work at Hy-Vee, they just mess around all day.  They have food fights and enjoy the art of not working.  Suuurrrrreee

I also know a few people whose parents will not let them get a job.  They usually complain, saying "Poo! I want a job!" I almost wish I were one of those people.  Imagine, you workers, being able to go all week without stepping inside that dreaded restaurant/grocery store.  Imagine having free time.  And then imagine the bank account: empty.  If your parents won't let you get a job, they are probably paying for all (or most) of the stuff you buy.  Your parents probably pay for gas and give you something along the lines of $80 a month.

Or maybe your parents are mean, and don't give you anything, and still won't let you work.  That would kinda suck.  What would really suck, however, would be if your parents made your work, and then took the money you made.  This girl I used to work with at Sonic had a situation like this.  Everyday she would ride her bike to Sonic, work, eat at Sonic, then bike home.  Everyday.  (Right now she is a senior).  Why did she work so much and not have a car? You should be able to get a decent car for 300 bucks, right?  Well, that is right, but this girl didn't have 300 bucks.

All the money she made working at Sonic went to paying the rent.  Her mom made her pay 1/2 the rent every month.  Imagine that, your family making you pay part of the mortgage.  This girl HAD to work at Sonic and donate her paycheck to the rent, or she would have been kicked out.

That is sad. A teen, especially a senior, should be enjoying their life. A teen should not be working to support a family. And it's not like she was pregnant or anything, her mom just makes her pay.

I am just grateful I don't have to work my butt off to pay the rent...

Fall Into...

I would agree that the title of a blog post has a big impact on the number of people who read the post.  Some titles are exciting, while others are boring.  Some titles are witty, and others yet, are unoriginal.  Some titles are all caps, while other remain in a dismal lowercase. Some titles do not even exist (these are the best, because you don't know what the post is about, and must read the entire thing). 

Some titles are long, some are short.  Some have meaning, some retort.  Some rhyme, some chyme, but all spend time (on the internet).  Some make you think of life, others fill your head with strife.  Some titles have simple structure, and yet some contain the complexity one would expect from a chemical formula.  Some titles come from stormula, and others still corn you la.  Some are poetic, some contain togetic (which is a pokemon).  Some remind you of girls, of whirls, of twirls.  Some titles remind you of lying, crying, and dying (in that order). Some titles are funny, like a bunny.  Some titles can't find their soul, as if...as if there is a large hole, that God has stole...from the heart.  Decipher this chart, and in it will be a boy.  Boy as in toy, bringing joy.  Some titles make you remember the Batttle of Troy, while others make you forget the Gazette. Some titles make no sense, some titles meant for a post to go one way, and then the author wakes up from his/her writing trance 10 minutes later, realizing he/she has written a terrible poem about titles, and has not, in fact, written about Falling into a deep meditation.  

This brings up another point.  Generally I have a blog idea, and come up with a good title, and then start blogging about something completely different.  I get distracted while writing sometimes. Sometimes my writing gets distracted by me.  Sometimes I realize writing is just words, which is just letters, which is just lines, which mean the world. 

The world is made of lines.  Without lines, nothing would exist, nothing but circles.  Circles have no point.  Because the world is made of lines, there is a point to the world.  The world has a meaning.  How many other planets are out there? Why are there so many stars? Why have we not been contacted by aliens? Maybe we have been contacted by aliens, but our government is hiding it.  What is our government hiding?  Is it underneath the Hoover Dam? Is Megan Fox hot? Did anyone catch that transformer's reference? Does anyone pay attention in school? Yes, they do.  There is always that Hermione Granger in ever class.  With curly hair, straight A's, in love with Ron... Its only a matter of time, before we all burn.  Its only a matter of time before I run out of free listening hours on Pandora. I laughed and danced, through the my bedroom.  Everything will be alright. I already ran out of listening hours on Pandora. I thought I could just create another account and start over with 40 new hours, but no.  Apparently it is limited to 40 hours per computer... That means I spent over 40 hours with my computer on during the past month.  That is approx 1.2 hours per day.  That is approx the amount of time I spend on homework in one day.  Wrong.  I spend less than that.  Wrong again, I spend more than that.  Wrong again, it depends on a variety of things.  Wrong again, it only depends on one thing.  Wrong again, nothing depends on only one thing.  Everything is connected.  I dare you to give me two things, any two things, and I will relate them.  Even if it is just by a common letter, or by a common thought. Because I ran out of listening hours on Pandora, I had to switch to Last.fm.  

I read something today, something interesting.  "If everyone would just be happy, we would have no sad people."  So everyone, just be happy.  Don't worry about anything, just be happy.  The only problem with that is, we can't control our happiness as much as we would like.  Here I am, a hypocrite.  Didn't I just say that we can change our outlook on things to make us happier?  I thought I said that one time.  That you should just be happy, it was the number two way to improve your life. I also think this post is a continuation of a previous post, a certain post with a chart/graph on it.  That certain post with a chart/graph on it said that over time, the quality of blogs would diminish.  I don't know about you, but it seems as if the quality of this blog has diminished.  That is too sad, because I really enjoy making quality blogs.  Well then, I should make quality blogs, it shouldn't be too hard, write?  I mean I have topics, I just feel as if I need to back up my previous generalization.  I should stop that.  Actually I am riting poorli because of the deeper meaning of this blog.  Most people will probably put this blog off as a stupid kid just typing up whatever pops into his mind.  Wow. Last.fm kinda sucks.  Yea it is disappointing.  I miss Pandora...baby come back.  The song "ho" by Ludacris is mentally handicapped. Sorry, that was offensive.  "Ho" is not mentally handicapped. It is ridiculous.  Not suprising, Ludacris being ridiculous.  "Yous a ho" "I said that yous a ho".  It keeps playing that lyric over and over again.  And there is strange women talking in the background. 

Anyway, back to the deeper meaning of this post.  If you were to break this apart thought by thought, you would have a complete understanding of a teenage thought process during a blogging session.  Isn't that interesting?  Teens are random, they cannot stay focused.  Teens like fun, sitting on a block, disobeying the law.  Wow last.fm really sucks.  BTW I am not talking about Akon's song sucking, I think Soul Survivor is a good song.  Or should I say sizong. Finally a good song on Last.fm! Love lock down.  I think the vibe is wrong, this is haunting me, all the way through my blog.  I can never know, until its over.  NO NO NO NO NO.  This hasn't gone the way I wanted to.  I'll keep it low.  Everyone else don't have to read this.  Sounds like LA LA DOWN.  I'm not writing this, way I wanted to. I can't keep on track, so I keep it smooth. I can't keep myself, and still keep my blog.  How many times did I revise this blog before it finally went through? 3? 5? 6? You lose...  I'm just wasting time...when will this get over?  You lose...

I bet no one knew, that this blog would have shown up.  Keep the loving on. Only God knows, does this blog have true meaning?  Is there seriously a hidden meaning behind this post? I haven't been down this road too many times before, so I will keep this locked down.  Don't expect this kind of thing ever again. It is a one time deal. And it is actually over 1,200 words.  If anyone has read this far, I am sorry if you got nothing out of this.  My old teacher said that a good skill to have is to be able to learn something from anything.  Everything you see, watch, read, experience, etc, learn from it. I honestly did not do this for word count, I will probably have 3 other posts that are just as long. Lets see how this looks.  

HALLLOOWWWEEEEEENNNNNNNNN

Confessions of A Swineist, Part 2

ATTENTION: THE FOLLOWING CONCERNS A NATIONAL EMERGENCY
READ IT ALL

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Here I am, on a saturday night, sitting in our office, typing on a computer.  What a lame saturday night.  You think I should be out partying?  Maybe catching a movie with a cutie?  At least hanging out with some friends...But no. I am home, on the computer.  The effects swine flu can have on one's social life...

I decided to create a sequel to my earlier Confessions of A Swineist, partially because of a certain article I have read.

THIS ARTICLE IS ARTICULATE

I have been getting better from the swine flu, almost fully recovered (ignore the fact that I am on 20 different medications and nearly passed out an hour ago...).  After going through this certain flu, I realized that it wasn't that bad.  I was getting better, was eating again, and could actually sit through an entire Hulu-ed episode of the office.  Then I received an email from NY Times Breaking News.  They send me an email because of my VIP status; every time something big happens, they let me know.

Anyway, the title of this email was "NEWS ALERT: Obama Declares H1N1 Flu a National Emerge."  Now I wasn't quite sure what this was about (yahoo cut off the ending), so I decided to read the email.  Apparently Mr. Obama thought he could go and declare a national emergency on me, right as I was getting better.  Are you saying that I was part of a national emergency?!?! OMG NO WAY! You know what else should be a national emergency? Car Crashes.  Rabies.  Sex offenders.  Maybe even cancer.

Wow, really?  Really Mr. Obama? Or should I call you Barrack?  Decide to go all emergency on me?  Well guess what, I had swine flu, and I didn't even go to the doctor!  You hear that? I. Didn't. Go. To. The. Doctor. And. I. Feel. Fine.

If you are going dial 911 on the national level, I think the problem should warrant a doctor's visit.  If you are in a car crash you go to the doctor, same with rabies.  If you have a bad run-in with a sex offender, you also probably go to the doctor.  If you have cancer, however, there is no need to see the doctor, just ride it out.

[ That was a joke. If you have cancer, do not take that advice.  If you have cancer, I am sorry, and you should probably go see a doctor if you haven't already. Chances are I will have cancer someday, and I am just mentally preparing myself for it by making jokes.[That was another joke, because I don't actually know my chance of getting cancer.[ Enough about cancer, it's not a national emergency]]]

Back to the article.  NY Times says that this "National Emergency" declaration will allow "officials to bypass
certain federal requirements."

Wow, really? Bypass certain federal requirements?  Wow...I had my hopes up about this national emergency thing.  Apparently when Obama dialed 911, he was worried that federal requirements would be a problem.  If there really was a national emergency, the president wouldn't worry about some damn federal requirements.  He would just go tamiflu on yo ass.  HAHA WHAT A FUNNY PHARMACEUTICAL REFERENCE! (Tamiflu is the medicine you take when you have the flu, in case you are not a pharmacist and still want to fit in with the rest of the people that enjoyed that reference)

"The H1N1 virus has killed more than 1,000 Americans and hospitalized over 20,000. "

Oh? Really? It has? OMG LETS ALL PANIC.  Actually, we should Phanic...(read my story in torch :)

Seriously people, 1,000 people is not very much. A few sentences later the article says:

" The seasonal flu typically hospitalizes 200,000 and kills 36,000 nationwide each year."

You hear that? 36,000 people die every year from the flu.  How many have died this year? 1,000.  Well, we should call this a national time of happiness, not emergency.  This point is invalid, because flu season hasn't really started yet, and most deaths occur later in winter...

---

So why is Obama so scared about this "flu"?  Well, most people think it is because of the vaccines.  As one analyst said, "it (the vaccine) is grown in eggs, “even if you yell at them, they don’t grow faster.”" I think we need to develop a... 


(sorry I ran off to sounds of my family yelling in the living room, watching the Iowa-Michigan state game.  Apparently our team is getting way to lucky, and needs to stop winning these close games...people might actually think we are halfway decent.)

You know your country is screwed if you have to grow vaccines in eggs.  Fertilized eggs, nonetheless. They say "it grew more slowly than expected."  What? That is so weird?  Why would they be growing so slowly? 

Oh, I know, maybe its because your growing them in EGGS. As in edible eggs that come out of chickens.  Were they really expecting the eggs to grow fast? "Hey, come on little egg, millions of people are relying on you for their life, please grow faster!"  Grow up America, use fetuses.

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All the vaccines that did manage to grow in the eggs are highly sought after.  Clinics throughout the U.S. are running out, and people are desperate to protect themselves from the flu.  Hell, people would probably cash in their 401k for a swine flu vaccine.  It seems that if we give an animal name to the seasonal flu, it becomes a national emergency.  To stimulate the health care industry next year, how about we call it the "Possum Flu."  Maybe even the "Snake Flu."  How about the "Dog Flu." Yea, I like "dog flu".  That'll make me rich.

Back to an earlier point: rarity of swine flu vaccines.  Some people are so desperate for the vaccine, that they have been lying!  OMGSH! Lying! No way, that is morally wrong!  Listen to this:

 “I lied and told the doctors I was pregnant,” said Theresa Caffey of Centreville.

And guess what happened:

Vaccinated!

I left out the fact that she has multiple sclerosis and is nursing an 11 week old baby...

If something makes a lady pretend to be pregnant, you know it's serious.  What does Obama do in response? He issues a state of "National Emergency."  Oh, phew, national emergency will make it better...  WRONG.  

"Nor, they said, does it (Obama's declaration) have anything to do with the reports of vaccine shortages."

Good job.  You manage to address everything but the real problem: vaccine shortages.  Instead of wasting time getting around federal requirements, you could be improving the situation.  Maybe you could:

-Subsidize vaccines

-Increase funding for swine flu stuff

-Find a better way to grow the stuff (eggs don't seem very efficient).

-DONT MAKE US PANIC...MAKE US PHANIC!

Okay people, I am suffering from "severe tiredness," which is a symptom of swine flu.  You want to know what else causes tiredness?  Lack of sleep.  Lack of energy.  School.  Life.  Nearly everything else.

Livin the good life,

Mikey J

Above Image from NY times @ articleInline.jpg. 


Above the above image from http://www.sptc.net/attention.jpg.

The Number THREE Way to Improve Your Life

Everyday I hear the same sentence at least once.  Most people have said it before, and Frankly, I am sick of hearing it.  The sentence is...."I'm tired."  It seems like we are always tired.

I think a good way to improve your life is to get enough sleep.  Most people I ask generally get to bed around midnight.  If they have a zero hour, this limits sleep to about six hours a night.  It is recommended that teens get over 9 hours of sleep every night.  I realize this is impossible for some people, but more sleep can improve lives.

Some benefits to getting more sleep:

-You look better in the morning.

-You feel more awake in the morning.

-Because you feel more awake, you are more sociable and alert.  This allows you to do better on tests and make new friends.  Everyone likes to make new friends.

-You can spend more time doing the best thing in the world: sleeping.

-Sleeping is fun and easy, so why wouldn't you want to do more of it?

-You have more time to dream.  You can't achieve your dreams if they never take place.

How to Spend Your Money

I recently discovered that most teenagers are having trouble finding ways to spend their money.  Teens these days have too much money, and simply cannot spend it all.  Be it lack of time, or simply lack of ideas, our society is turning into a pig pen of naughty frustrations.  

I have donated some of my time to help out the world with their financial non-spendencies.  Listed below are some great ways to spend your money.

1) Go to Wendy's everyday for lunch.  Order a classic triple, double stack, and large frosty.  Pay with a 20 dollar bill.  Take the change, and place it in the garbage can.  Once you receive your food, go outside and place it on the roof of the nearest minivan.  Do this everyday.

2) Go to the front foyer of school, and pull out a hundred dollar bill.  Raise it up in the air, and shout "free! free!"  Give it to the first person that asks for it.  

3) Find a computer, and go to ebay.com.  Bid 1,000 dollars on a energy pokemon card.  When the card comes in the mail, bring it to Wendy's and throw it in the garbage can.

4) Go to a restaurant, order a side salad, and eat it.  When you are finished with the side salad, leave the wait (er/ress) a large tip, preferably over $100.  After the tip has been placed on the table, go to all the other tables in the restaurant, and place a $100 bill on each of those.  Do not worry if other patrons give you funny looks.

5) Go to your bank, speak with the teller, and make a large withdrawal.  For this step to have the biggest effect, withdraw everything in your account.  Take all the money you received, and place it in your wallet.  Next, drive to Wendy's.  Order a jr. bacon cheeseburger, but do not give the cashier any money.  He may be annoyed with you.  Do not worry.  Simply place your wallet in the garbage can, and walk out the door.  

By this time, your bank account should be empty, and your wallet should be in the garbage.  If you followed the steps correctly, you should have spent your money successfully. 

P.S. If you ever see money on the floor do NOT pick it up.  We do not want all of our efforts to go to waste!

Above money pic from http://uk2.net/blog/wp-content/uploads/mooooney.jpg

Need blog ideas?  Check this out.

Confessions of A Swineist

According to my mother, I have caught the flu. The swine flu to be exact. I thought it would never happen to me, it couldn't happen to me.  Swine flu was just something you saw in movies, not something you actually had.  Well, I have it.  That is why I am at home. That is also why I am blogging during the school day.  Anyway, some confessions are listed below.

-I honestly haven't felt this bad since God knows when.  Ask God the last time I felt this bad, he can tell you.

-Swine flu makes it sound dirty, please call it H1N1 (hydrogen monitrogen).

-The doctors office is very busy with all the people catching the flu, they probably aren't too happy about that.  It makes you wonder why doctors never seem to get sick.  They see tons of sick people each day, why are they not sick themselves?

-The worst part about this flu is the dizziness.  Whenever I try to stand up, I almost pass out and have to sit back down again.  And the back of my head feels really weird, like a scary clown yo-yo movie.

-I realized that missing school isn't nearly as fun as it used to be.  Yes, you can eat whatever you want, have your parents wait on you, and do whatever you like, it just doesn't seem the same anymore...

-I think teachers need to recognize how troublesome an illness can be for a student.  When you are sick, there is almost no way you can do homework.  You generally want to sleep, not work.  I thought I would be able to catch up on some homework today, but found myself in bed more than expected.

-It is hard to keep my thoughts focused...

The number TWO way to improve your life

Be happy.

If you can be happy about anything, than your life can be good no matter what happens.  Lets take a few examples.

Let's say your Ipod dies while you are driving to school.  What do you do?

A) Nothing, you don't notice because you are talking on the cell phone.

B) Get pissed, throw your ipod out the window, and then pull over to pick it up.

C) Get pissed, throw your ipod out the window, see another driver laugh at you, get pissed at him, crash into him on purpose, and die..

D) Turn on the radio.

-If you chose option A, you should go back to driver's ed.  They teach you how to not use cell phones while driving.  It's actually pretty easy.

-If you chose option B, it is likely that your ipod isn't in the best shape (assuming you don't have the iprotect).  And you probably were a little bit late to school.

-If you chose option C, you probably aren't reading this right now, because you are dead. Unless of course they have the internet in heaven.

-If you chose option D, you probably are in decent shape, because your iPod is doing fine, and you are still alive.

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Forgive the pathetic-ness of that example...  Anyway, I am trying to prove a point here.  You can't always control what happens to you, but you can control your reaction.  You can't always control bears, but you can control your reaction.  Lets say you get mauled by a bear in Michigan.  You can decide to be sad, missing your limbs, or you can be happy.  You can be happy that you have a story to tell, or that you have had an intimate moment with another species.

Oh God...I just Googled "Bear attack" on google and looked at the pictures...

DO NOT LOOK! It is pure nastiness.  However, considering that I am trying to be happy, I will keep a positive outlook.  I have never been attacked by a bear.  That makes me happy.

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Next time you are presented with a bad situation, be happy.  Thinking about things in a certain way can make it better.  It's up to you...

Have you ever had one of those blogs that is just a big disappointment? Sometimes you want to blog, but just aren't feeling it.  That is happening right now.  This will earn the tag of  "useless."  How sad...

I hope next time is better.

The number ONE way to improve your life

Support the ONE campaign.

Bono ONE campaign pic. from http://www.ournewearth.tv/admin/upload/video/ONE.jpg

If you support this campaign, you are helping the world.  What is possibly better than helping the world? Can you really find something better than helping the world?  Maybe, maybe not.

Another thing that might improve your life is getting more sleep. (see above)

The Cleanest Place in the World

Mikey J: You know what I just realized?

Audience: "What?!"

There needs to be a negative tab button.  A back tab, if you will.

Audience: "OOOOO YESSS A BACKTAB!"

Mikey J: Ok audience, settle down.  We don't need to initiate another Prague Spring here.

Drummer : Ba dup, pish!

Mikey J: I mean seriously people, how many times have you entered your username, and then wanted to go enter your password, but you accidentally press tab twice.

Audience: "I HATE THAT WHEN THAT HAPPUNS!"

Mikey J:  Exactly.  You have to press tab 25 more times to cycle through all the links before returning to the "Password" text box.  And then you accidentally press tab once again in your anger.  It is shame.

Audience: "WELL, HOW ABOUT YOU JUST USE THE MOUSE TO CLICK ON THE TEXT BOX?!?

The sound of a machine gun fills the stadium...Silence

Mikey J:  As I was saying, a tab button without a back tab button is about as useful as a time machine that won't take you back in time.

Drummer: Ba dup, pish!

Mikey J: We'll be right back folks, don't go away!

Commercial:


Little kids: "Hey Grandma!  You look really cold!" 


Grandma: "Oh dear, who is that?"


Little kids: "Its us Grandma!  Your grandkids!"


Grandma: "Damn kids!  Where did you put my Snuggie?"


Little kids: "Haha Grandma, its over there! In the fire!"


Grandma: "Good, that's where it belongs."


This message brought to you by the Gluggy:* the first Snuggie made out of garbage!


Announcer: "And we're back, with Mikey J in the Morning!

Mikey J: Have any of you ever been to Wal-mart? Well, I was just there today, and had one of the best experiences of my life. I first drove into the parking lot, and took a left to find a good parking spot.

As I was driving down an aisle, I saw another car going way to fast, with no respect for the painted lines.  This car was speeding through the parking lot, driving perpendicular to the aisles.  I realized that we were going to crash.  So I slowed down.  In fact, I almost came to a complete stop.  As the car drove by, I saw who the driver was.  Expecting an ignorant teenager, I was shocked to see an old Grandma behind the wheel.

Geez, we spend enough money on the DOT, you think they could at least keep dangerous drivers off the roads...

So anyway, I parked, almost got ran over on the way in, and then found myself at the entrance. The first thing I saw was a hair stylist smoking out by the door.  She looked really sad.  I wanted to give her a large tip, but then I realized she never cut my hair.

Drummer: Ba-dup Pish!

Mikey J:  When I entered Wal-mart, I was greeted warmly by Luann, who asked if I wanted a sticker.  I took one.

In the entrance isle, I saw a middle aged man pulling around an elderly woman in a wheelchair (I guess he was pushing her).  As I walked past, I saw the middle aged man pull out a Snuggie box, and try to sell it to the Grandma (I am just assuming she has grandkids, I wasn't really sure).

He took the Snuggie Box off the shelf, and said "Do you want this? It is like a blanket but has holes for your arms."

The Grandma replied accordingly in a fragile voice "Oh no, that doesn't sound necessary."

As he wheeled the Grandma away from the Snuggie (entrance) isle, I saw him put the Snuggie box in the wheelchair basket...Snuggie Creep.

Making it past the Snuggies, I went to the clothing isle, and I saw they were having a clearance.  How Odd.  Walmart having a clearance? I have never seen that happen before...

I just had to pick up these 5 dollar shorts, couldn't resist.  And then candy corn, and then gum, and then mints. I will be fresh.

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Above picture (Without edits) from http://www.jpgmag.com/photos/296250 "Parking lot birds eye view"